Sunday, December 24, 2006

Silent Night...

"I now declare you man and wife". Mark paused the wedding video of John and Juliet that he had recorded about 2 years before. He was the best man in their marraige and was shooting the whole wedding just for a personal memorablia. But he didnt know that it would come to haunt back him after a long time.

They all worked together in a firm and were good friends. Infact Mark had feelings for Juliet, but an introvert that he was, he stayed silent. Naturally the more jovial John and Juliet fell in love and got married as well. Ironically Mark was the best man in their wedding and he didnt know if to laugh or cry at his fate. An year before their marraige fell apart and it was a shock for everyone in their fraternity.

Today, on the eve of Christmas morning, Juliet had come searching for some video in Mark's private library and stumbled upon this video. As she saw it she realized what Mark fell about her. The whole video had Juliet in close ups as she smiled, yawned, smirked, cried...every possible emotions of hers was covered. She left the room without saying a word and Mark didnt give any explanation for it.

At 7 PM in the evening, Juliet heard a knock outside her house and she found a letter. It read as such

"Dear Juliet

Somethings are very easy to be understood but very complicated to explain. What you saw at my house was something as such. It would have been left unsaid if you had not found it all for yourself.

Today is Christmas night and on Christmas, one should tell the truth. Words cannot measure the love that I have for you in my heart. To me you are perfect. And my wasted heart will love you...forever....and ever.


She smiled and kissed the letter sobbing. About 200 feet away Mark watched this and walked towards his house. All the words that he could say were "Enough...enough for a lifetime..."

P.S: From Love Actually
P.S1: Merry Christmas and Happy New Year

Monday, December 18, 2006

I am NOT what I am

"Hey Maathu, What do you want to become after you grow up?" I asked the 3 year old daughter of my cousin who was enjoying singing along with the cartoon character on the TV.
"I wanna become a rock star" she replied. A simple line from that child led me into a serious of question answer sessions with myself. What did I aspire to become and what am I right now?

Believe it or not, at the age of 13 I wanted to become an actor. Yup, you got it right. And that too a HERO (!).Perhaps I wanted to entertain people. I did mimicry in my childhood days which eventually led to an always huge gathering surrounding me in any family function and nothing thrilled me more than the smile on the face of the public. But when you look like a walking and talking version of size of a Godzilla, and are referred by names as "aaloo", "motu" and "haathi" and puberty fast approaching the girls don't even care if you are alive or have to reconsider your options which I did.

The final nail in the coffin was laid when my class teacher asked me to play the part of Santa Claus in the school christmas skit as she said that I was the chubbiest and sweetest guy in the class. May the Hero rest in peace. You can be happy that I was born in a middle class family and not to a one-ring-in-each-finger wielding Sethji who finances the movies or some B grade sleazy Film director. Who knows, and then I could have become a Hero. Worse enough, unknowingly you could have been my die hard fan who doesn’t miss the first day first show of my movie :-)

At the age of 15 I wanted to become a pilot or a sailor. As Nandoo used to say that in that age every boy wants to become a pilot and every girl a teacher. Thanks to my hereditary, I ended up wearing spectacles which in turn disqualified me from both. So what do I do next? Ask my relatives and cousins. The unanimous verdict is to study engineering and become an s/w engg. What about becoming a cricketer, singer, painter, journalist ect. Nope.Why? Because all my cousins are engineers and have been earning enough money to buy a palatial house, car and settled in abroad as well. So there I am...after 50 odd papers and useless practical exams I was given a BE degree which at times sounds to me as Brain Empty. Contradictorily I got placed in the campus as well.

When my cousin's daughter mailed me asking what she could do next after 12th I was the only one who replied her asking NOT to take engg. This family had supplied enough enggs to the country more than the required quota and had taken enough lives. But I did advise her to do the same by going for Medical. She is doing something less lethal than what I expected by opting to become a Dentist.

Sometimes when I work in my desk I wonder what I am doing here. All right the paycheck is ok, I can buy what I want, I can help other people (which I love doing), I blog which has given me so many friends. But does this work make me happy? I envy someone as Mr Kamalhaasan who enjoys doing his work and also makes a living out of it. How many of us can say that we do that?

Last but not the least, I live in the hope that one day I will be doing what I will enjoy doing the most. I am waiting for the time and opportunity.
"Hum Honge kaamyaab.....ek din...
"Man mein hai vishwaas..pura hai vishwas....Hum honge kaamyaab ek din"

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Deja Vu

"Bharathi. Be ready. They could be here any moment." shouted Bharathi's mom Mrs. Durga.

They had done this whole thing a dozen times before and still every time she did this, she felt panicky. She wondered if at least this time it could end happily for all. Her thoughts were cut short by the arrival of the Blue Sedan outside their house. From the car Ramani's parents alighted followed by a beaming Ramani. Durga and her husband Mr. Krishna welcomed them into their 600x600 hallway. Ramani's parents sat on the couch for the couple even as Ramani sat on the single chair facing the 42 inch huge Philips HDTV. Durga could sense that the drama had just begun.

After 10 minutes Bharathi entered the hall with a silver dish with 5 cups of chicory coffee and sweets and savories which nobody would touch. Some things never change with time and perhaps this tradition was one among them. A bored Bharathi sat on the opposite single chair facing Ramani wondering what was going to happen.

"So all looks fine. I believe that the silence of the groom and bride seems to say that all is well and we can take the next step" said Ramani's father Mr RaviPrasad looking at his wife Mrs Raji. Whoever wrote that silence is a sign of acceptance may rot in hell thought Bharathi.

"Yes Sir. Please tell me what you expect from us." said Mr. Krishna as-a-matter-of-factly.

"Well. Apart from taking care of the marriage expenses, you would have to have to gift a car and flat on Ramani's name and they should be handed on the day of marriage. And I assume that you do have 250 sovereign gold in addition for marriage" said Mr. RaviPrasad.

He was talking to them as if they planted and grew money on the trees outside their house. But Mr. Krishna felt that this was better than the previous party which asked for 10 crores and 500 sovereign Gold. At that time he felt like killing them and dumping them on moon. But then there was little someone could do in these circumstances.

"Ok Sir. We are fine with it. We will get the date of the marriage and engagement fixed from our astrologer and call you soon." said Mr. Krishna looking at Mr. Ravi.

Durga could not believe herself. When she got married, she was allowed to enter the house only after her father got them a brand new car. It was a humiliating experience for Durga to see her father's lifetime savings go into thin air in a day's marriage.

She was sad and happy at the same time. Sad because all their savings would be spent on their son Bharathi's marriage and dowry to marry that girl Ramani. Happy because as a woman she felt that although the redemption was only financial and not least there was one now.

P.S: Read this and wondered what if and why not.

Saturday, December 09, 2006


"If a man opens a car door for his wife, its either a new car or a new wife."

What is it that fasinates us so much to something that is new to our life? The general pattern of behaviour of humans that responds to new things is almost the same. Try to remind yourself about the last the time you behaved when you bought something new for yourself.

We become very self conscious and cautious when we wear a new dress and take the best care as to not to spoil it. I remember my faculty explaining us NOT to wear anything new for any interview for the same reason. I remember how brat I was when the whole colony had to work together to send me off peacefully to my school in my LKG. But in UKG I was jumping with joy and couldnt wait to reach there. Reason? New School dress and shoes. I would polish my shoe daily and walk slow and steady than the beauty at the paegeant. It was over after 15 days. By the end of 5 months the shoe looked in the front to qualify as another ozone hole.

When I got my new IPOD, I was very very careful. I had a cover on it everytime. I used to lock it in a locker when going for lunch or meeting. The rest of the time it stuck to my ears as if i was some reincarnation of karna. Now? Although I listen to it regularly, it looks like Ipod was invented centuries ago and mine looks line one from the stone ages. I have also seen the effect of new things in relationships. One of my friend found someone "special" and that was the end of rest of us. We ceased to exist. I agree that it is something that varies on a case to case basis but arguably this is a general pattern.

I got my new laptop after months of self debate and research. Its a new HPDV6000t and I had been tracking it since the day I booked to the day it got delivered to my home. This time I did not have it wrapped in a cover after I used it and just kept it in one corner of a room. Come long can a person lie to himself :-)
Do you have had any such special memories about anything new?

Btw..I also started a new tamil blog. Just check it here.

Sunday, December 03, 2006

The Diary pages

Dear Diary

Today was a very important day in my life. What I did was perhaps unacceptable by other people's standards, but either way it doesn’t matter to me anymore. If being oneself is a crime in the court of life, then I stand to be convicted and would love to face the rope of destiny.

What was my fault? That I fell in love...maybe. But the fact that I fell in love with someone who turned out to be a philanderer was my destiny. I was a matured woman who had finished her degree at IIT Chennai and who worked as a top consultant in a leading firm. I fell in love with my co worker Arvind and it all looked like a dream come true. Perhaps....someone just woke me up to make me realize that it was all a nightmare. Arvind was a Romeo on fly and my love life crash landed immaturely.

My only solace was my friend Krishna who made me laugh among all the sorrows I was surrounded with. If not for Krishna maybe I could have done something stupid. You may wonder that how come someone educated in IIT speak as if without clarity, but remember that the heart and emotions remain common to one and all. Krishna and I used to go to the Besant Nagar beach where we would talk for hours about everything and sometime about nothing.

Every time my mom would begin the topic of marriage I would skip with something irrelevant and divert it. But eventually it failed one day and some people gave a surprise visit to have a look at me. The groom was some computer junkie settled in US and had Green card and everything in place that any normal girl would fall for. Perhaps it’s silly to note that I was still in love with Arvind and didn’t want to get married until I got over with it.

I had rejected way too many proposals by then and one day mom confronted me. She knew the reason for my denial and gave me one last choice. She wanted me to ask Krishna to marry me. That was the last thing I wanted. Krishna was my best friend and inspite of whatever people thought or said, we were friends without anything else on our mind.

Why is it that a woman needs to get married? When a man can remain a bramachaari for life and be appreciated for it, why can’t a woman do the same? Why these double standards? The reason always given is to protect her from the society and to have a support in her old age. I don’t give a damn about society and why waste your life now thinking about something that is going to happen 30 or 40 years later. Is it wrong if I have a belief that loving someone and sharing your bed and life with another is inappropriate?

I have decided to break all the barriers and do what I want. Today is not just a very important day in my life...but for many others as well.


As Shreya closed the dairy she smiled. 10 years had passed since she had written this and from time to time she would visit this page to remind her of her purpose in life.

"Madam. A journalist from India Today has come to take an interview about you and the children of our home" reported the assistant. Shreya, the head of the Helping Hands Home for Destitute children put her ghosts of past to rest and was on her way to a glorious future.