(A Sneak preview into Kabhi Alvidaa Na Kehnaa's unreleased version)
The Mercedes stopped with a screeching halt outside the palatial house. Shahrukh (SRK) and Preity got down from the car and walked without any reaction inside the palace. While rest of all the NRI's crib at the very idea of a moderately priced apartment for 1200$ (shared by 4 people and with one year lease), Johar's NRI's resided in palatial bungalows which could make Lord Swaraj paul and Tycoon Lakshmi Mittal feel like beggars outside the Vadapalani temple. But then this is a Karan Johar movie and so everything is blown out of proportions, be it the story or the characters or events.
"Come in SRK!To kahiyae...kaunsi Lifeline use karna chaahenge aap?" Amitabh spoke in his huge baritone.
"Dad..this is Karan's movie and not Kaun Banega shooting." nudged Abhishek nearby.
"Oh.Sorry. You see I am an old man. Can be messy at times. Let's start with the dinner." Amitabh invited. A beaming Rani enters late and sits opposite to SRK and gives him her gorgeous smile. "How handsome and clean shaven he is" thought Rani to herself about SRK and wondered if she could present a shaving kit as Birthday gift to hubby AB Jr. As usual it was a needlessly very big dining table which could include the whole Indian cricket team with substitutes, physiotherapist and coach and there were only 5 of them seated. SRK wondered that the Italian chandelier above them must be worth some 10,000$ and wished how good it could be if it could fall on Preity.
The dinner was served by some maid dressed royally enough to pass as heroine in a B-Grade Movie. Women in Karan Johars movies were always shown wearing Manish Malhotra designer saris, bejeweled by Kirtilal Kalidas & Co and were never shown cooking with the possible exception of Super moms Farida Jalal and Kiron Kher. Men were never shown going to office and always wore Armani's and Raymond's except Amitabh who had a contract to fulfill with Reid and Taylor.
"I am not happy with this mmmmmmmmarraige" stuttered SRK. Amitabh had seen SRK stuttering since his serial Fauji days and wondered if he could make him speak with some pebbles stuffed in his mouth. He wondered how come the public llllloved him do this idiotic crap movie after movie.
"What's wrong with you?" asked a shocked Preity looking indirectly at Rani
"I am in love with someone else" said SRK and started crying.
Rani could not believe herself. Her worse suspicions were confirmed and she wondered how could he cry so well with such less glycerin. Infact apart from the star's astronomical salaries, huge movie sets and extravagant songs, the next big budget was reserved for gallons of glycerin. Except the producer everyone else was crying after the movie and it was even suggested to distribute free hand kerchiefs to the movie going public.
"I cant live with you anymore. I am leaving the house with my lllllove" said SRK.
Everyone remained silent for a second and wondered if this climax would work or not. SRK stood up and walked to Rani who didn't know how to react. SRK kissed AB Jrs cheeks (because lip kissing would be cut in the censors or protested by Shivsainiks) and said "Let's go Abhi. We can't live with these hypocrites anymore."
They walked towards the exit door as Amitabh suffered a heart stroke, Rani and Preity happy enough to trade them even for Vadivelu.....and lived happily ever after...perhaps.
P.S: I thought that since Karan Johar has become so 'sensitive', why not he be asked to make a desi version of BrokeBack Mountain :-)