Monday, August 21, 2006

The Unreleased version

(A Sneak preview into Kabhi Alvidaa Na Kehnaa's unreleased version)

The Mercedes stopped with a screeching halt outside the palatial house. Shahrukh (SRK) and Preity got down from the car and walked without any reaction inside the palace. While rest of all the NRI's crib at the very idea of a moderately priced apartment for 1200$ (shared by 4 people and with one year lease), Johar's NRI's resided in palatial bungalows which could make Lord Swaraj paul and Tycoon Lakshmi Mittal feel like beggars outside the Vadapalani temple. But then this is a Karan Johar movie and so everything is blown out of proportions, be it the story or the characters or events.

"Come in SRK!To kahiyae...kaunsi Lifeline use karna chaahenge aap?" Amitabh spoke in his huge baritone.

"Dad..this is Karan's movie and not Kaun Banega shooting." nudged Abhishek nearby.

"Oh.Sorry. You see I am an old man. Can be messy at times. Let's start with the dinner." Amitabh invited. A beaming Rani enters late and sits opposite to SRK and gives him her gorgeous smile. "How handsome and clean shaven he is" thought Rani to herself about SRK and wondered if she could present a shaving kit as Birthday gift to hubby AB Jr. As usual it was a needlessly very big dining table which could include the whole Indian cricket team with substitutes, physiotherapist and coach and there were only 5 of them seated. SRK wondered that the Italian chandelier above them must be worth some 10,000$ and wished how good it could be if it could fall on Preity.

The dinner was served by some maid dressed royally enough to pass as heroine in a B-Grade Movie. Women in Karan Johars movies were always shown wearing Manish Malhotra designer saris, bejeweled by Kirtilal Kalidas & Co and were never shown cooking with the possible exception of Super moms Farida Jalal and Kiron Kher. Men were never shown going to office and always wore Armani's and Raymond's except Amitabh who had a contract to fulfill with Reid and Taylor.

"I am not happy with this mmmmmmmmarraige" stuttered SRK. Amitabh had seen SRK stuttering since his serial Fauji days and wondered if he could make him speak with some pebbles stuffed in his mouth. He wondered how come the public llllloved him do this idiotic crap movie after movie.

"What's wrong with you?" asked a shocked Preity looking indirectly at Rani

"I am in love with someone else" said SRK and started crying.

Rani could not believe herself. Her worse suspicions were confirmed and she wondered how could he cry so well with such less glycerin. Infact apart from the star's astronomical salaries, huge movie sets and extravagant songs, the next big budget was reserved for gallons of glycerin. Except the producer everyone else was crying after the movie and it was even suggested to distribute free hand kerchiefs to the movie going public.

"I cant live with you anymore. I am leaving the house with my lllllove" said SRK.

Everyone remained silent for a second and wondered if this climax would work or not. SRK stood up and walked to Rani who didn't know how to react. SRK kissed AB Jrs cheeks (because lip kissing would be cut in the censors or protested by Shivsainiks) and said "Let's go Abhi. We can't live with these hypocrites anymore."

They walked towards the exit door as Amitabh suffered a heart stroke, Rani and Preity happy enough to trade them even for Vadivelu.....and lived happily ever after...perhaps.

P.S: I thought that since Karan Johar has become so 'sensitive', why not he be asked to make a desi version of BrokeBack Mountain :-)


Sat said... u're back boy huh?
aanalum abhi-a vambukku izhuthurukka vandam...konjam thaandi poi camera-ku pinnalendhu karan johar-a izhuthuttu ponadha solli irundha ...innum classy :))

s0ulasylum said...

haha.. this was really funny ! but hey the movie wasnt tht bad! it is a one-time brain at home watch.. :)

Sat said...

oye are tagged :P

ambi said...

hahaaa, vizhunthu vizhunthu sirichen. semayaa kalaasi irukka thala! :)
ROTFL on sat comment. :D

Has to be me said...

Just loved ur ending....was soooooo damn funny.......hope Karan johar isnt jealous!!!! ;) (pun intented!)

KK said...

LOL!!! good one Harish... it would be nice if SRK and AB Jr. fell in AB Sr. feet got ashirvad and gone...Karan Johar's movie will never dis-respect elders, you see... :)

Has to be me said...

BTW, u r tagged! :)

Syam said...

comedy KANK ...funny dude...vadivelu part soober :-)

Aditi said...

Haha hilarious..but i think with srk's ego he might want to go for big B rather then the little one...after all age isnt a barrier now is it?

chaitü said...

i heard the movie is nothing good... is that so?

Anand said...

haha! Loved ur review...the wife saw the movie and warned me against watching it..after reading all the reviews of the movie on the so glad i havent seen it!

prithz said...

Hehe :) That was damn hilarious... nice read... :)

raz said...

blog visit pannathuku nandri... :)

appuram :D he he super comment. hope that karan joker cha cha johar reads this

aparna said...

wat twist in the ending...SRK and Abishek cool combi...nice story

smiley said...

wow, u could be a great story writer and director:) interseting post

Anupama Viswanathan said...

:))..haha..I had such a good laugh reading this..esp the part where AB starts off with KBC! good one, could enjoy it even more coz I have watched the movie! :)

Ash said...


Hell's Angel said...

amazing figment of imagination.. the movie sucks big time.. it made me sick 4 few

logic said...

Hahaha..Good one dude

bindhu said...

oh my god!! karan johar movie la fireaa?

Niranjan said...

dude that was good joke had nice laugh do try to suggest some stories like this so that everyone can laugh

Phoenix Rises said...

Hehe!! Found that was quite funny, even though I'm a biiiiiig SRK fan!!
An Indian Brokeback Mountain?? Am sure that's not gonna be made in India anytime soon!
BTW, what's Vadivelu?

Harish said...

lol...sema idea va irukku.

Well...i really got bored by that

Happada...janma saabalyam adainjaachu. Naanga Ambi blog padichcu sirippom..ambi ya sirikka vechuttom :-)

@has to be me
teriyala. Lets ask Johar :-)

Harish said...

That was a good one man

Nandri ba

ooooohhhh...seems everyone likes AB Jr

Yup..u heard it correct

Harish said...

Great escape for u

Welcome here...yup..i hope the joker makes something sensible next time

I guess this was better than the movie :-)

Ippadi usupettadeenga...manasu maaridumo nu bayamaa irukku

Harish said...

Welcome here...aaha..didnt Vani warn u abt the movie?


@Hells Angel
May Karan's soul go to hell for making us all suffer

Nandri thalai

Harish said...

Adu fire illa pa..appadina thaan naanga sandoshapattiruppomae :-)

WIll try my best yaar. Only such stupid movies can inspire us to write such stupid stuff

Vadivelu is a comedian in tamil movie. I guess u will understand better if u happen to take a look at his pics :-)

Krithika said...

hehehee! yes yes..y not brokebak mountain? i haven seen the movie..and u never know,this really cud be their other side

Aravind said...

wweight post da chellam.
machi KANK pathen uvack..kadi ya potanga.

Then also saw the most awaited Vettaiadu vilayadu.not worth the hype..seri illa..Kamal touch perisa illa..

Harish said...

SRK azhumbodhe enakku anda doubt irundudu :-)

Adhae KANK..ade sucks big time man
Enna maamu ippadi sollita???Kavututaangala????

Enigma said...

he ha he ha

Enigma said...

he ha he ha

Usha said...

karan joharidhai padichr-na definite suicidedhan!

Harish said...


Appadi pannina indian cinema nimmadiya irukkum

Kalyan Shivamurthy .................................................... said...

It was a good read....
FYI, Karan Johar's next is very close to, what can be called as a take on "Brokeback Mountain" itself. The movie stars John, AB Jr and Priyanka Chopra(No clue about wats Priyanks doing ther!!!)