இப்படி சொன்னா எப்படி?

காற்பந்து முடிஞ்சாலும் அதுக்கு சம்பந்தமே இல்லாத ஹீரோ பாலுடைய புகழ் மங்கவில்லை. ஒரு வேளை பாலை நம்ம ஊருக்கு கடத்திவந்தா அவரை வெச்சு எப்படி பிசினஸ் பண்ணலாம்??


உலக கோப்பைக்கு இன்னும் கொஞ்ச நாள் தான் இருக்கு, ஆனா நம்ம பசங்க விளையாடறதை பார்த்தா உலக கோப்பையை விடுங்க, நமக்கு வெண்கல கிண்ணம் கூட கிடைக்காது போல இருக்கே :(



ஆனாலும் ஒபாமா ரொம்ப பாவம். ஒரு மனுஷனுக்கு சோகம் வரலாம், ஆனா சோகமே வாழ்க்கை மாறினதுக்கு இவருக்கு தான். ஒன்னு மாத்தி ஒன்னு விடாம யாராவது அவரை படுத்தறாங்க.

Craig Ferguson சொன்னது போல்
By this point, the gulf of mexico "spill" not even an 'oil spill' anymore. Spill is a little accident that can easily be cleaned up. Calling this a 'spill' is like calling World War II a 'tiff.'

ஹ்ம்ம்...நம்ம ஊரா இருந்தா ஒரு இட ஒதுக்கீடு அறிவிச்சுட்டு நிம்மதியா இருக்கலாம். (புரியாதவர்கள் WIKILEAKS பற்றி படிக்கவும்)


ஒரு மனஷனுக்கு எப்படி எல்லாம் வாழ்வு வருது பாருங்க. சன் பிச்சர்ஸ் எடுத்த "வெற்றிகரமான" வேட்டைக்காரன், சுறா நடிச்சு கொஞ்ச நாள் படுத்த மாட்டார்னு பாத்தா, ஷங்கர் திடீர்னு "3 Idiots" ரீமேக் பண்றதா சொல்லிட்டார்.

அது எப்படிங்க படம் ரிலீசான அடுத்த நாளே "சூப்பர் ஹிட்" போஸ்டர் ஓட்டறாங்க? ஒரு வேளை அது Templateஆ இருக்குமோ :P. ரீமேக் படம் எடுக்க தான் ஏற்கனவே "ரீமேக்" ராஜா இருக்கார். ஹ்ம்ம்...ஆட்டம் ஜாஸ்தி ஆய்டுமே.

Easier with practice

"I think we are standing on the wrong side of pavement."

I could sense that my wife's blood pressure and patience were exactly at opposite levels.

"Why do you think so?"

"There is a zig-zag yellow line here which is an indication that cabs should not stop and pick any passenger."

"You are telling me after walking for close to 10 minutes on this road?"

"I could tell you if you would LISTEN to me."

This is what happens when I try to do something right. All I wanted was to take her home cosy and comfortable in a taxi and just as Mr. Murphy's law states, you happen to spot a taxi exactly when you don’t want it. And perhaps, we all know that men are poor when it comes to asking for directions.

"Even if we had taken the bus, we would have been half way near our home."

See, that’s the point. Immediately she derives a calculation out of thin air that we would have got the bus on time to our place, we would get seats and also with minimal traffic, we would be halfway down to our house. My argument is - what are the odds? And also, I am not comfortable carrying 2 bag-full of groceries in either hand. That’s when I did the unthinkable error.

I retorted her.

"Why are you making a big deal out of this? Is it my fault that there is no taxi on the road now?"

And she immediately appears stung. Her eyes moisten a little and you can spot the water in her eyes like a mirage in the desert. I sometimes wonder how fast women get their tear glands to respond.

"You should have married Vanitha."

Ah! There we go. And now I get married to Vanitha for not getting a cab. Before you all get driven to nuts, let me explain who on earth is Mrs. Vanitha. She is possibly some secretly inherited descendent of Hitler. Or maybe Idi Amin. She is possibly one of the few women on earth whom you would not even want your most secret adversary to get married to.

My wife, the quintessential gossiper she is (aren’t we all?), likes to narrate me Mrs. Vanitha's strict order in the house where no extra oil or butter is allowed to be consumed or when children have to ask permission for everything. I wonder if her children religiously shout "Hail Fuhrer" before going to bed.

You can imagine the predicament of her husband. I once met the couple when we were doing our weekend family shopping. Her husband was a small man with head in the shape of an Easter egg. He had a small mustache and a sorry looking face like a Lehman Brother's shareholder or an Indian voter.

So, which brings to realize why women always compare with the worst lot available? Have you ever heard any women say, "You should have married Tammana or Shriya."? Absolutely not! Its always a Mrs. Vanitha or your next door neighbour who infact looks and behaves closer to the witch described in Harry Potter.

Have you heard any man complain or compare on the same lines? Imagine how it would be if Bill Clinton were to fight with Hillary - "You should have married Bush. Your life would have been filled with correcting grammatical and pronunciation mistakes." That’s least likely possible. Why? Because men are egoistic and would not let their muse out of their control even in words. But yeah, that does not rule out the possibility of the same guy doing a Tiger Woods routine.

"Look, just calm down. I will call the speed taxi number ok?" I was trying my best to do damage control.

"And who will pay the extra charge? If you had been with Lalitha who orders a taxi every time she goes out, you would have understood, how better off you are."

I had to stop this nonsense before she planned grandkids for me and some Ms. Lalitha. And just as I wondered, an empty taxi stopped nearby. I was waving madly like the guard did when Titanic hit iceberg. I think he stopped possibly to check if I was having seizure than to pick me up.

We travelled throughout the ride without a word uttered between us. If the taxi driver was a bachelor, he was probably planning to remain one for the rest of his life, after watching our marital spark. We watched some mindless comedy on TV without bothering to laugh much for next hour or so. It was a question of who would break the ice.

Just as we looked at each other, we said in unison "I am sorry."

It’s probably little hard. It’s probably very easy.

It comes - easier with practice.

The last time I saw my waist

They say that shopping and eating are best stress busters. So I decided to shop for food.

I stopped outside the gates of the grand hotel in front of me. Had I gone mad? Maybe. Is something wrong with me? Very much.

I walked straight past the gates. Infact, I was the only one walking past it, as the rest were in their installment-paid cars with their dysfunctional families. A Maharaja suit clad Guard ushered me in, suspiciously. No, I am not going to tip him for sure. My tip fees is a generous Rs 2, and that too if the waiter fills the extra sambhar or Kuruma without any hint of sarcasm or contempt.

The Indian eatery was in the second floor. As I pushed open the door, an amazing fragrance enveloped me – one of fresh Indian spices overpowering the sandalwood incense sticks at the welcome counter. I quickly scanned the room to find out if any of my friends or relatives were seated. Our clan comes to such places courtesy - a generous treat. But then, they haven’t read about Murphy's law, have they?

A low decibel Pandit Shiv Prasad Sharma’s flute rendition was played to a rich unmindful crowd. The lights were dim enough to grab the Manager by collar and ask him if he had misappropriated the funds for his mistress. But then that’s the way things work. Less noise and light in a restaurant means more money to be shelled and vice-versa. The Devar's parotta stall in my vicinity plays songs so loud that you wish they could provide a piece of ear plugs with the parotta and salna.

I sat in a corner table for two and put my bag on the other seat to prevent any intrusion. The big room had just 25-30 people – each wrapped in his own niche. The waiter handed me a menu card long enough to qualify as my nephew’s cricket bat. After brushing through two pages worth of the hotel’s history and its worldwide branches, I finally got to the menu. Soups were listed at a minimum price of Rs 100. My middle class conscience involuntarily forced me to flip pages and check the main course items. Yeah, I was preparing to going down royally, but still...

The items were vaguely named. Infact none of them made any sense to me. One especially caught my attention - Shahi Murgi per Amulya makhan. Why can’t it be as straight as butter chicken? Going around your head to touch your nose just doesn’t seem to work with food, particularly when ordering. Another one in dessert read The last time I saw my waist. Some smart ass decided to include a footnote which read - 1 scoop vanilla, 1 scoop chocolate and 1 scoop raspberry decorated with Almond and nuts. Yeah right. Eat this on a regular basis and you could have a waistline to warrant a pair of maternity stretch-on pants. I guess these hotels have employed 3/4 people to cook and other 1/4 to think of such whacky and stupid names to confuse the customer.

Butter chicken? Why did I have to remind myself about her when all I wanted and came here for was to forget her?

Why can’t I let go off Adhira?

Adhira. The lovely but torn chapter of my unscrupulous life.

-----------------------------

"What do you want to order?"

"Anything that you want."

"No. Tell me something. I don’t want to force something of my choice on you."

"Don’t try to be too chivalrous."

"I am not chivalrous. I am just trying to be....sensible. And so I insist."

"Ok. Then it is Butter chicken."

Judging from her perfect figure, you might guess that all she has for lunch is a bowl of salad with a cup of green tea. But Adhira loved Butter chicken. Infact, it was possibly the only thing she loved more than herself. You could wake her up in the middle of a night and offer her a piece of butter chicken and she might just lick it till the bone and doze back without a "Thank You".

During every other visit to the hotel, it was butter chicken and Vanilla Caramel Icecream with almonds. For the past 6 months that I have known her and with all that butter chicken and icecream, she still manages to remain slim. With 2 chapathis sans ghee, boiled oats for dinner and 45 mins of gym, I struggle into my size 36 pants. Some people are indeed lucky, aren’t they?

"So how come momma's boy is skipping his delicious home made lunch?"

"I told her that I was going for a corporate treat. She still doesn’t realise that I work with stingy bastards who would not spare Rs 5 and get me a single cup of tea."

(giggles) "But you seem spendthrift. Doesn’t this thing (showing the dead chicken's legs) cost much more than your budget?"

"When did I tell you that this chicken was bred in my backyard? I guess you should probably marry a broiler farm owner."

"You never know. You know that I love chicken."

"If you had a choice between a broiler farm owner or Ice cream parlor owner, what would you do?"

"Is there any rule that I should marry only one of them?"

"Legally as per the Hindu marriage act..."

"Oh...stop that bakwaas yaar. Otherwise it might be your leg in my hand instead of the chicken's."

Adhira was the only child of a rich Mallu couple. Since her parents were more modern and educated, they bred Adhira as a young, free-spirited girl. She waltzed past to her room at any point in the night and no one would question her. It was a far cry from my house where my mother still asks me a detailed monthly account (which of course is forged) and frequently checks my room for any traces of cigarette or anything illegal. Prior to being with me, Adhira had encountered 2 break ups as the guys found her too tough to handle.

Possibly in a relationship, she loved being the guy and viceversa.

-----------------------------------------------

"Your order Sir."

"One Lajawaab Matar Pulao and Panner Makhni."

It had been days since I had dined alone. The sudden loneliness engulfed and saddened me. I took out my mobile phone and just looked at my contact list and scrolled it back and forth wondering whom to call. Finally, I stopped it as it was freaking me out. I wanted to talk to someone but decided against it. The last thing I needed was a detailed lecture on securing a relationship.

What I did today morning was surely not right, but maybe it was....too late.

------------------------------------------------

"You cannot say no to you friend?"

"I can’t. We have been pals since college. He would kill me for missing his marraige."

"And what happened to the promise you made me?"

"We will go next week. Shahrukh is not running anywhere. See, even in the poster, he is standing still and stiff with Kajol." (showing a MNIK poster)

"No jokes. You could have atleast asked me or told me. I booked tickets already."

"Don’t worry. You can go with your mom if you like."

"Did I ask for your expert advice on this?"

-------------------------------------------------------

Would you believe me if I told you that this non-descript conversation listed above led to an India Pakistan fight and our break-up? I know you would not. Ok, then just do one thing. Try to rewind back and check about any possible fight with your partner/lover sometime back? Was it a really unsolvable issue that led to a fight?

All issues which lead to a fight/breakup, are NOT the actual issues. The issues are always hidden. Does America really fight in Afghanistan to free Afghan people from clutches of Taliban? If two neighbourhood kids fight among themselves for a toy, it is indeed for a toy.

But if the same kid's parents fight amongst themselves over the same issue, it is possibly for something else.

Maybe it’s the jealousy of one guy over another's newly bought Mahindra Scorpio against his rusted Bajaj Chetak. Or possibly an old issue where the woman of the house refused a cup of sugar. Or possibly some age old fight over the fence wall. In most cases, it is possibly one’s reflection of his/her incompetence against the others. Bottom-line, it’s NOT the toy.

The fight that we had today morning is on the same lines. While you can attribute her irritation to my meekness, mine was possibly at the pent up anger over her dominance and ridicule at my middle class peculiarities. It’s strange how adults find themselves incompatible in few moments of friction compared against the hours or days or months spent in finding out the similarities when in love.

I know that I am wrong somewhere. All it takes is a Re 1 call to her mobile and a simple "Sorry".

Well, if only telling Sorry had been so easy.....

"Sir. Anything for dessert?" said the waiter relieving me thankfully from my introspection.

Not in a mood to think too much, I asked "What’s special today?"

"Vanilla Caramel with Almonds."

Rain with Thundershowers

"And before we close on the days proceedings, lets have a weather roundabout with our own Handsome hunk Rajiv. Rajiv, so whats the weather like today?"

Rajiv grabbed his tie's half-windsor knot and shook his head little bit as much as one shakes a salt can over tomato soup. It was a habit he had idolized after watching Pierce Brosnan grab his tie underwater in "The World is not Enough".

"The weather is surprisingly pleasant today. Even though Chennai is supposed to be notoriously summer-type hot starting from February, today should be much of an exception. So today is a good day when you should not be worried about the Sun god radiating his anger all over you. Its possibly a good time to give your umbrella a miss. These are the temperatures in the major cities around the country."

Rajiv read the temperatures from the green matt screen behind him. As he finished reciting the temperatures, Rajiv smiled and finished "Thats all for today. Have a great day ahead." It was the same infectious smile that had sent teenage girls to feel dizzy on their feet and housewives to forget Ekta Kapoors six-packed, plastic heroes and fantasize him.

"So Rajiv, what plans for V-Day? Your house must be filled with letters written in blood and filled with kisses." News Anchor Ram always loved his conversations with Rajiv to be laden with as much sarcasm as possible.

It was partly friendly and partly stomach burning which could not be resolved with even tons of Eno or Gelusil.Even though they were of nearly the same age, Ram looked like father of 2 school going kids and Rajiv could be mistaken for a college dropout.

"No Ram. That used to be in your good old days. All I get now are emails filled with obscene, censored details of girl's vital statistics and her details and exploits if I were to oblige which could make Vatsayana's Kamasutra feel like nursery rhymes."

For reasons unknown, Rajiv loved making Ram feel jealous. Part of it was due to his inability to grab the lead news anchor role from Ram and part of it was Ram's proximity to his secret love - Rachna.

The mere thought of her name sent happy signals from his brain to his lips and they widened obligingly. He changed over to normal clothes and decided to grab some coffee at the nearest Coffee day outlet in Isphani Center. He drove his black Pulsar 180 to Isphani and found a parking space without much fuss. It was still early morning in Chennai but the Sun seemed to have had a faulty alarm clock and hence woke up early before schedule.

As Rajiv walked over to his regular seat (creature of habit you see), he grabbed the day's newspaper from the backpack before deciding to order something. Just then, from the corner of his eye, he saw her - Rachna. Again, brain to Lips. She saw him simultaneously and smiled. He walked over to her place and saw her reading "The White Tiger".

Rachna was Rajiv's news co-anchor and he was secretly in love with her. She was prettily dressed in a comfortable Levis Jeans and Globus tops. Even though Rajiv had been admiring her for the past 1 odd-year, he could still not take his eyes off her.

"So what brings the weather man down here?"

"Some impending headache and lots of love for Coffee."

Her smile just widened. "Can you get me a Macchiato?" he said trying to place an order.

"Have you ever tried Chococinno? Its a delicious mixture of Cholocate ice and Hot coffee. Maybe you should try it."

He smiled and placed order for a Chococinno secretly worrying about the side effects if it were to be horrible. He made a note to himself to smile and say "WOW" after drinking it even if it were to taste like cowdung. He was not sure if she was "suggesting" the drink or testing him if he would oblige her. But then, it was Rachna. If she were to ask, he would even Join the Shiv Sena and campaign and vote for Balasaheb. And maybe even tear and burn few Shahrukh

posters (Well, arent we bored of reading the cliched "bring sun,moons and stars." :P)

"Have you read this book, Rajiv?"

The only White tigers Rajiv knew were the ones caged in some forest in Gujarat. He knew about books as much as Indian Politicians knew about honesty and integrity. Forcing a smile, he nodded his head "Nope. Never had time to read it. Is it good?"

"Its dark. I mean, its about the pathetic state of our country..."

Rajiv was half-listening. He was gazing star-struck at her eyes, curved eye-lashes, the medium sized bindi on her forehead (which matched her tops), her lips which had a subtle hint of lipstick applied exactly between dried-out and cheap-looking.

"....how we are messing up with it told through the eyes of the protagonist." The in-between lines were obviously missed in Rachna-gazing.

"Thats good. Think I should read that." He replied.

"You mean good that the country is messed up is good?" She sounded like she was going to shoot him for sounding like a Paki General.

Caught on the wrong foot, he smiled and replied "I mean, the point of view. Better than reading some Jingoistic stuff." Gosh, how difficult it is to pay attention to what a beautiful lady is saying while you are measuring her beauty.

"So what plans for V-day?" She suddenly changed the topic.

Rajiv almost spilled the Chococinno all over himself and turning into Chocolate Man . If it were to be a hollywood chick flick, he could have comfortably retorted dreamy eyed "Just to keep looking at you."

Well, this was no chick flick and Rajiv was not Hugh Grant. "Well. Not much. Its a sunday, so I guess, I could wake up late and maybe catch up some movie. Have you seen Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind?"

"Yes. What about it?"

"There is this line which Jim Carrey says "February 14 is a holiday invented by greeting card companies to make people feel like crap.""

She smiled."You dont believe in love, do you?"

"Well. Does it matter?"

"Doesnt it?

"To whom?"

"Who do you think?"

"Why are you so interested?"

"Why should'nt be I interested?"

She looked him deep into his eyes. It was as if she was peeking into his soul feeling him from within.

"I was afraid."

"Afraid of what? she asked.

"What if......it was a no?"

"What if it was a yes?"

His heart skipped a beat.

For an instant, it rained in Sahara. Ranganathan street became empty on a weekend evening. Mumbai had no potholes. Haiti stopped having earthquakes. Shimla became warmer. There was no fog in Delhi. Mayavati stopped unveiling her own statues. Salman Khan started wearing shirts. Karunanidhi's grandchildren stopped jumping to politics or Cinema. Bal and Raj Thackerey got Pakistani citizenship and relocated there with their Sena.

The world seemed to stop spinning and seemed a better place. Well...not better...a very beautiful place.

They started walking outside where his bike and her car were coincidentally parked side-by-side.

"How long?"

"Probably as long or before you have liked me."

"You never told."

"Neither did you."

"Why today?"

"Why not today?

They saw some overcast shadows above.

As few rain drops fell on them, Rajiv remembered that his forecast had gone wrong. And it was not just about rain. Their love had also arrived sooner than he expected.

She asked "Does the weather forecast for the day say rain with thundershowers?"

"Does it matter?"

"Doesnt it?"

Short Term Memory Loss

Dear Ammi

Hope you and abba are doing fine. I know that there have been no letters from my side, but then it took me some time to expel the fear of death which was sticking to my mind like a lizard on a wall . Since I am sure that nothing would happen to me from now judging from the current course of events, I decided that this was the right time to invite our family to visit me in India.

Yes, you read it right. I am inviting you all here. All you have to do is take a plane from Multan to Mumbai and we can possibly meet here in the jail premises. I know that it is not the most ideal place to meet your son, but you have to understand that this phase will be over pretty soon and we will all be together as a happy family. I feared nothing less than death since I was caught, but it has to be said that it seems impossible now.

Contrary to what has been portrayed by my Jihadi brothers, the Indians are very courteous and nice. Imagine, which country will feed its perpetrators with 4 square meals food, shelter him, give media coverage (which can be used for my marriage alliance J) and also hesitate to take any concrete action? It happens ONLY in India. Imagine what would have happened if any Indian terrorist had been caught bombing our country? We would have announced war on India immediately and dialled our US brothers to supply as many arms as possible for the holy war.

And what about the caught perpetrator? We would have made sure that we would have cut as many pieces of him as possible and parcel some to government, some to media and remaining to his kith and kin. But Indians on other hand don’t do it, because by nature they are a bunch of peace loving folks. They are soft natured, harmony loving and gentle folks. They are like the house neighbours who don’t mind even if you pee on their yard or grab some mangoes from their grove. We should be fortunate to have such amazing neighbours.

Initially I was afraid when caught and hence I confessed all my wrong doings. But I guess it must have been shocking as they are not used to people who immediately confess their actions. I understood this when the hawaldar asked me "Are you sure? Really?" as if I was answering some KBC question. See, they are used to court proceedings which take years (in double digits). It’s a tactic that no country on earth would understand. The longer the case, it keeps that many people employed and hence you solve unemployment in a single fix. Masterpiece eh?

So I first started out that I was a minor. They scampered, huffed and puffed for first six months negating it. I had also judged the media reaction to my case and so just blurted that I came here to work in films. I have already got offers from Verma and Bhatt sahib to star in their films.(I have couriered along some DVDs of their films and Munir should love it). I had to pay the hawaldar 1000 bucks to get this letter couriered. These people are more corrupt to the soul than our politicians. For a few wad of notes they might sell their mother or motherland or possibly both.

If they indeed find me guilty now, I have few other tricks up my sleeve which I learnt from Indian politicians. I will vehemently deny saying that I have been targeted because I belong to a minor community and when that fails, I will complain of chest pain and heart attack and lie down. (Ironically nobody here questions that how can a politician with no heart have a heart attack :P)

Even the witnesses will be out after certain time. As I told before, this case will as will drag for years. By that time, the witnesses would be dead out of old age, or possibly by some bomb attack by someone (ours or theirs you never know), or flood which comes regularly but no one takes care to fix it. Also there are some nice politicians here who will help my cause. There is an awesome politician called Raj Bhai who beats people if they don’t talk in the local language (not hindi, that’s national and they dont care about it). See, the people here get beaten up by so many of their own men, that they tend to forget "Oh. You beat me? When was that?". Who is going to remember a short guy with Donald Trump hair and AK 47 gun?

Also, I will like to point out their master key stroke idea in recent times. You see, all politicians make promise to people to elevate this country on par with USA. They found out how to do it? How? Simple. Divide all existing states into 2-3 parts and voila. They have more than 52 states and now are on PAR with US. Master stroke eh? Infact, tell all our brothers that this might be an opportune moment to bomb some place or train in this country. You see, since they are in fighting mood now, one party will blame the opposition and vice versa and then there will be more blood. So all we need to do is just press the trigger button.

All I can tell from my experience is that Indians are an amazing bunch of people. The old adage of Forgive and Forget is followed by them religiously. Like they forgot about this bomb blast after few months. All they did was rally with few candles and raise few slogans. Another rain, bomb blast and election, they don’t remember anything.

The US is still rallying around a 9/11 which happened way back in 2001. But these people don’t even remember the latest attacks or casualties as it keeps happening and never looks like its going to stop. They are like the Short Term memory loss patients who just remember the latest incident and then forget the rest. They find solaces in an unlikely cricket win or 1-in-a-billion gold medal in some games. That’s enough for them to heal their wounds.

Anyway, lastly, ask Munir to practise bomb making seriously. And also, tell him not to swallow that cyanide. Jihad is bullshit and I discovered it. Even if he gets caught here, he needn’t worry about anything I will manage the rest.

Looking forward to meeting you all here soon.

Your loving son,

Ajmal Kasab

P.S: Maybe I will discuss with Verma or Bhatt if Munir can get second hero role in the same film. Or possibly for a bigger room here in the worst case.

P.S: Happy new Year :)

தலைவன் இருக்கிறான்

இன்று தேர்தல் பிரசார மேடை

“இப்பொழுது “தமிழின் விடிவெள்ளி“, “ஏழைகளின் காவலன்“, “அஞ்சாநெஞ்சன்” நம் எல்லோருடைய பாசத்துக்குரிய நா. கா. மு. க கட்சியின் தலைவர் அருமை “அண்ணன்” பேச வருகிறார். (கரகோஷங்கள்)

“என் ரத்தத்தின் ரத்தங்களே, தமிழ் தாயின் அன்பு முத்தங்களே” (மீண்டும் கரகோஷங்கள்)

”மேடையில் அமர்ந்திருக்கும் நம் கூட்டணி கட்சி தலைவர்களான போ.று. க.கி கட்சி தலைவர் சை.கோ அவர்களே, மற்றும் அடுத்த முதல்வர் ஆக போகும் என் அன்பு சகோதரி ப. ர. தே. சி கட்சி தலைவியான நம் “அக்கா” அவர்களே, உங்களுக்கு என் வணக்கங்கள்.” (கரகோஷங்கள்)

“நீங்கள் நினைப்பீர்கள், நான் உங்கள் முன்னால் நின்று இன்று தேர்தலுக்காக வாக்கு பிச்சை கேட்க போகின்றேன் என்று. இல்லை. மாறாக உங்களை எச்சரிக்கின்றேன்.” (கூட்டத்தில் சலசலப்பு)

“ஆம். எங்களை தெருந்தேடுக்கவில்லைஎனில், நீங்கள் உங்கள் வாழக்கையை இருட்டடித்து கொள்வீர்கள் என்று எச்சரிக்கின்றேன். இந்த கரங்களை பாருங்கள். இது உங்களுக்காக உழைத்து, உங்களுக்காக வாரி வழங்கி சிவந்து போன கரங்கள். இது அப்பழக்கற்ற ஏழைகளின் காவலனின் கரங்கள்.”

சில மாதங்களுக்கு முன்

“அண்ணே. யாரோ உங்கள பார்க்க வந்திருக்காப்ல.”

வந்தவர் பெரிய கூழை கும்பிடு போட்டார். பெரிய கும்பிடு என்றால் கேட்ட விலை என்பது அண்ணனின் எழுதப்படாத அனுபவம்.

“அண்ணனுக்கு ஞாபகம் இருக்குமானு தெரியல. போன தடவை நாம ஜாதி சங்கத்துல விழா எடுத்தப்ப தலைவருக்கு பெரிய ஆளுயர மாலை போட்டு ஏரியா முழுக்க பிரமாண்டமா கட் அவுட் வெச்சு அமர்க்கள படுத்துனேன். அண்ணன் கூட ரொம்ப ரசிச்சு மேடைல புகழுந்தீங்க.”

“அதெல்லாம் இருக்கட்டும். என்ன வேலையா வந்தீங்கநு சொல்லுங்க”

“பையனுக்கு படிப்பு ஏறல. சரி கழுதை துணி பாக்டரி பார்த்துகட்டுமேநு அனுபிச்சேன். இந்த முதேவி அங்க இருந்த ஒரு புள்ளைய கசமுசா பண்ணிட்டான். விஷயம் பெரிசாகி பேப்பர்ல கூட வந்திச்சு. ஆயுள் தண்டனை உறுதி நு சொல்றாங்க. அண்ணன் மனசு வெச்சா என்ன வேணும்னாலும் செய்யலாம். அண்ணனை நம்பி வீட்டுகாரி கிட்ட கூட புள்ளைய காபாத்துவேன்னு வாக்கு கொடுத்துட்டேன்.(விசும்புகிறார்)”

“உங்க புள்ளை செஞ்சது தப்பு தானே.”

“நான் இல்லைங்கல. ஏதோ வயசு பையன் ஒரு வேகத்துல செஞ்சுட்டான். நான் பணம் தரேன்னு அந்த பொண்ணோட அம்மாகிட்ட சொன்னேன். ஆனா அந்த கிழவி நீதி நியாயம் நு சினிமா டயலாக் எல்லாம் பேசுது. அண்ணன் மனசு வெச்சா இந்த சிக்கல்லேருந்து காப்பாத்தலாம்.”

“இதெல்லாம் சிக்கலுங்க. உங்க புள்ளைய காப்பாத்த போயி என் இமேஜ் போச்சுநா நான் என்ன பண்ணுவேன். நீங்க கிளம்புங்க.”

“அண்ணேன். அப்பிடி சொன்னீங்கனா நான் எங்கனே போவேன்.(கண்ணீர்) எவ்வளவு செலவானாலும் பரவாலை நே. என் புள்ளைய காப்பாத்துங்க சாமி.”

“யோவ் யோவ். கால்ல வந்து விழாதயா. சரி. ஒரு 60 லட்சம் செலவாகும். முடிஞ்சு வெளில வந்த உடனே உன் புள்ளைய மேட்டர் அமுங்கர வரைக்கும் கொஞ்ச நாள் வெளிநாட்டுல இருக்க சொல்லு.”

“அண்ணனே. உங்களுக்கு கோவிலே கட்டலாம்னே.”

“அதெல்லாம் வேண்டாம். வெளிநாட்டுக்கு போயாவுது உன் பையன அடங்கி இருக்க சொல்லு. அங்க எடாகுடமா பண்ணினா அவனை காப்பாத்த என்னை மாதிரி நல்லவன் எவனும் கிடைக்க மாட்டான்“

இன்று

“இங்கிருக்கும் என் அருமை சகோதரி, உங்கள் அன்பு “அக்கா” பற்றி நான் சொல்லியாக வேண்டும். தனக்காக வாழாமல் உங்களுக்காகவே வாழுகிறாள் இந்த அன்பு சகோதரி. இங்கு நாடாளும் குடும்பத்துக்கும் இவருக்கும் எவ்வளவு வித்தியாசம்.தன்னுடைய இறந்து போன தாத்தா தவிர இவர் எல்லாரையும் ஏதோ ஒரு பதவியில் அமர்த்திவிட்டார். ஊரெங்கும் இவருக்கு இருக்கும் சொத்து பற்றி உங்களுக்கு தெரியாதா?”

“இந்த ஊழல் பெரிச்சாளிகளுக்கா உங்கள் வாக்கு?”

போன தேர்தலில்

“இந்த அம்மையார் ஆடிய ஆட்டங்களெல்லாம் நாடறியும். குடும்பம் குட்டி இல்லாத இவருக்கு என் இத்தனை சொத்து, இத்தனை நகை, இத்தனை கார் எல்லாம்? ஒட்டு போட்டவனோ வெய்யிலில் காய்ந்து கொண்டிருக்க, இவருக்கு மட்டும் சொகுசு பங்களாவா?”

“இங்கிருக்கும் க.ச. மா. ல.ம கட்சி தலைவர், நம் அருமை “அப்பா” அவர்கள் பற்றி நான் சொல்லிதான் உங்களுக்கு தெரியனுமா? தான் மட்டும் இல்லாமல், தன குடும்பத்தையே நாட்டு பணியில் இடுபடுத்தியிருக்கும் இவர் நாட்டுபற்றை பற்றி சொல்லுவதா, அல்லது வேறு பாஷையை ஒழித்து தமிழை மட்டும் நாம் பயில வேண்டும் என்று என்னும் அவர் தமிழ் பற்றை பற்றி கூறுவதா?”

இன்று

“நாங்கள் ஆட்சிக்கு வந்தால் சிறியதிலும் சிறிய சிறுபான்மியருக்கு பத்து சதவிதம் ஒதுக்குவோம் என்பதை பெருமையுடன் தெரிவிக்கின்றேன்.” (கரகோஷங்கள்)

“கலப்பு திருமணத்திருக்கு பத்தாயிரம் கட்சி நிதியிலிருந்து அள்ளித்து ஜாதி இல்லாத சமுதாயம் உருவாக்குவோம்” (கரகோஷங்கள்)

சில நாட்கள் முன்பு

“இது என் சொந்த விஷயம் சித்தப்பா. நீங்க இதுல தலையிடாதீங்க.”

“நான் ஒரு அரசியல்வாதி. குடும்பத்துல இருக்கிற உன் பிரச்னை, பொது வாழ்கையில என் பிரச்னை.”

“அந்த பொண்ணு வேற ஜாதி. இத தவிர வேற எந்த குறையும் இல்ல. அப்புறம் எதுக்கு எல்லாரும் இப்படி கூப்பாடு போடறீங்க.”

“அது ஒன்னு போறாது எதிர் சாதியும் எதிர் கட்சிகார பயலுகளுக்கு என்னை கவுக்க? அந்த புள்ளைய மறந்திடு”

“மேடைல வாய் கிழிய பேசறீங்களே ஜாதி இல்லாத சமுதாயம் அமைப்போம்நு. அதெல்லாம் என்னது?”

“எவனடா கூறுகெட்ட பயல இருப்ப போல இருக்கு? என்னிக்கி நாங்க சொன்னதை செஞ்சிருக்கோம். இந்த பேதங்கள் எல்லாம் ஒழிஞ்சுட்டா அப்புறம் நாங்க மாடு மேய்க்க போக வேண்டியது தான். தமிழ் தமிழ் நு கூட தான் சொல்றோம். தமிழ்காக உயிரை கொடுப்போம்னு சொல்றோம். உண்மையில ஒரு (தலைமுடியை இழுக்கிறார்) . புரிஞ்சுதா. இப்போ நீயும் என் புள்ளைங்களும் தஸு புஸ்ஸு நு இங்கிலிஷ்ல பேசறதில்ல?”

“இதெல்லாம் யாரும் தட்டி கேட்கமாட்டாங்க நு நம்பிக்கை உங்களுக்கு.”

“அப்பிடி தான் இத்தனை வருஷம் அரசியல் பண்றேன். இப்போ டி.வி. தரோம்னு சொன்ன உடனே பல்லை இளிச்சுக்கிட்டு ஒட்டு போட்டானுவ. இத்தனை பேரு வாக்குறுதி தராங்களே, யாராவுது ஊழல் இல்லாத ஆட்சி, பாதுகாப்பான ஆட்சி அப்புடி நு சொல்றாங்களா? இல்லை. நமக்கு லஞ்சம் பழகி போச்சு. லஞ்சம் வாங்கதவனுக்கு பேரு……பொழைக்க தெரியாதவன். ”

“இது ஆணவம் சித்தப்பா.”

“இல்லை. இது நம்பிக்கை. உன்னை மாதிரி கேள்வி கேக்கறவன் ஒட்டு போடறது இல்லை. ஒட்டு போடறவன் கேள்வி கேக்கிறது இல்லை.”

இன்று

“நாங்கள் ஆட்சிக்கு வந்தால் அனைவருக்கும் இலவச கம்ப்யூட்டர் வழங்கி நாட்டை முன்னேற்றுவோம் என்பதை மட்டும் கூறி வாய்ப்புக்கு நன்றி கூறி விடை பெறுகிறேன். நன்றி வணக்கம்.”

கூட்டத்தில்

“கம்ப்யூட்டர் வெச்சு நாம என்ன பண்ண. பேசாம ஏசி கேக்கலாமா? வெயில்ல இருக்க முடியல.”

“ஆமா. பேன் ஓடவே இங்கே கரண்டு இல்லை. இதுல இவ ஏ சி போடராளாம்.”

“ஏய் மக்கா. இந்த தடவை என்ன ரேட் போகும். ரெண்டாயிரமாவுது தேறுமா?”

மேடையில்

தலைவர் கை அசைத்தவாறே உதவியாளரிடம் “ஏன்டா. இன்னமுமாடா இந்த ஊரு நம்மை நம்புது.”

“அது அவங்க விதின்னே”