How to win votes and screw people

One upon a time, my social science teacher wanted to check our level of focus in life and so asked each of us to explain our ambition in life. At that point of time (in early 90's) it was too much to ask kids who knew nothing more than timings of Chitrahaar/Oliyum Oliyum.

So as budding programmers, we basically copied and pasted other answers as our ambitions throwing a bit of reason here and there. If Ramu said he wanted to be doctor because he has seen his grandpa suffer, Shamu said he wanted to be a doctor because his mom said so. Since engineering was not as common aspiration as Nair's chaaya shop those days, we refrained from "becoming engineers" atleast in that class. I remember answering to become a pilot as I always had the fascination to fly...of course for free and heck get paid as well. Believe me, the part of accompanying beautiful air-hostesses struck me years later.

But as well as I remember, no one ever mentioned that he/she wanted to be a politician. Why would that be? We all know that politics is not a career as like Engineering, medical or Management. As much as clearing IAS is viewed as a matter of pride in the society, the sheer mention of "being in politics" pictures only one view.

Greed. Corruption. Gundagardi.

When was the last time you remember that you saw a politician's pic and telling yourself "That was a good man"? No no...rule out the man smiling on the rupee note. That was bloody ages ago. The things synonymous with Indian politics are scams, murder, party-hopping, goons, black money, inappropriate property, Binaami, Dharna etc. I guess I almost told every possible thing they get summoned to courts for in their political career.

Looking at the incident in Maharashtra where the amazing Raj Thackeray's chamchaas drove away job-aspirants and ranting that they "Want" 80% seats for locals, you wonder "WTF". So that means that you can be a Marathi by birth, produce a caste and birth certificate to prove so and walk all the way to get a government job by sheer right of your birth. Wow! Did you think that getting job was so f***ing easy?

And what happened after his goons did so? 6 people got arrested. So that’s it. Raj would never repeat it isn’t it? Hey, Mr Deshmukh. Didn’t someone tell you that the ball is in your court? And vulgarly I mean the "balls" you know (pardon the foul language people). Judging by whatever is happening there, I donno if anyone in your government has any.

Today he asks the "youth" brigade to rough "outsiders" when they come to write exams. So what’s the point he is trying to make? That the people of Maharashtra don’t have the competency to compete in an exam and get job? Isn’t that an insult to their intelligence? If today, he can beat outsiders to get their jobs, why do you think he won’t beat the locals tomorrow to vote for him? Well, so much for thinking and voting.

So what is wrong with us? We Indians love free stuff. The only thing we won’t (i hope) possibly take free is shit and acid. There is free TV, 1 rupee rice, free sarees, free notebooks. Where does the money come from? Who gives a f**k. We get it free, so shut up and get it. So what could be the next free item on Politicians agenda in the next elections?

Since we started with TV, the next step could be laptops and computers. And what if the oppositions decides to distribute HiPhone (iPhone duplicate :P)? Simple. Maybe the party guys will turn pimps and supply girls. Hey, don’t frown. You may see it happening sooner than you think. Bharath mein sab kuch possible hai baap.

Either way, I would to congratulate Mr. Raj. No. This is not about his terrific "achievement". It doesn’t take Nostradamus to predict that Mr. Raj will win the next election hands down courtesy local jingoism. That in turn may just lead to Raj "clones" in every other state who will turn the heat on "outsiders".

And a man of his word he is, I bet he will bring everything down to separate Maharashtra from rest of the nation....and that may just be the beginning of our end.