Kismat ki Phooti Connection

Q. Why would you watch Kismat Konnection?

A. It could be because

a. You go to watch some other movie to the theatre and bloody hell...it is houseful.

b. You are not in a mood to return home and so think "what the heck..lets try this out"

c. You Kismat has made some bad Konnection (what is with the 'K' sentiment) due to which your next few hours are going to be short circuited.

d. All the above

If this were KBC and if I was to lock option D, I could have won some decent money. Alas....my luck just stays with me to write reviews. I don’t know if you observed, but I hardly write reviews for any bad movie, unless I force myself to see one and write one as well for funs sake(ex. Kuruvi, Tera Suroor etc). Why? Because I value my money dearly and I have to pay the ticket price out of my pocket unlike the reviewers who get the money milked from their employers. Well...cant call it their luck as they might have gone thru the same ordeal.

Now....you are discouraged reading this. Aren’t you? You wonder "Is this movie really that bad? Or has this guy gone bonkers?". Let me begin this review by asking you some questions. You introspect them and try to figure out WHY I wrote the above paragraph.

a. Why do most of the bollywood heroes need to be baptized as Raj Malhotra or Rahul? Aren’t names as Sunil, Dinesh, Stephen or Harish (dont bother) good enough?

b. Why are all Raj Malhotras in movies predominantly NRIs? If they are really destined to be NRIs maybe I will name my kid as Raj Malhotra (if it is a girl I will name her Anjali). Who knows...he could be singing duets in Swiss Alps or Phuket Islands.

c. Why do Bollywood Heroines try to pose out as 36-28-36 type figures? Whats wrong with being plump and admitting it? I mean I have no problem with a heroine being plump, but why pass it off? If you don’t understand what I am talking about, you should watch Ms. Balan on the big screen wearing those tight outfits that appear to have been stitched for some voluptuous babe. (she appears much better in the recent Airtel ads)

d. Why do all ex-boyfriends of heroines needs to be pakka A-holes? They are either womanizers or jerks or don’t devote time for the heroines and so she sways towards our Hero. This makes you question the judgment of the heroine and wonder if she really is as smart as she is shown on screen.

Maybe it is a subtle directorial touch to emphasize that Love is blind. But yeah...at least it is a far cry from the earlier cinematic trash where the Hero and Heroine were always their respective first love.

e. Why is Ms. Balan entrusted with the job of looking after the sick, old or suffering patients? Is it because she looks like a really nice lady who would go out of her way to do that...or...is it because she looks to be one of their age-group?

f. Why does a Hero have to run and sing solo romantic number (and be joined by many soon) when the heroine touches him? Ok...calm down. I don’t mind if the song is really that good, but why would you not think that if the song is incorporated with the sole aim of increasing the sales of the eateries in the cafeteria.

g. Why do all Bollywood mainstream movies have atleast one shaadi number where they have to incorporate the Punjabi words "tenu" "kudi" “munda” "mar jaava" "Leke Jaava"? The male dress up in designer sherwanis and women dress up in Manish Malhotra wardrobe which should cost her an amount close to what is required to perform a marriage function in itself.

How do you expect a movie to be amazing with all these inconsistencies? The point is that a movie is supposed to be mesmerizing and it allows the director to provide some escapist entertainment. I am not against masala movies or regular candy floss stuff, but the point is that this movie seems to be a candy floss which is prepared with more salt than sugar.

The story line is simple that Raj malhotra (Shahid) is an out of the work architect who is looking for the big break. By chance and fate he comes to believe that every time Vidya Balan is around, he seems to hit the right note and get a home run. He is preparing to build a mall for a contractor (Om Puri) and the problem is that it is the point of dispute for Vidya who is out to save a community center at the expense of the mall.

The problem with this movie that it is very much predictable. When a scene pops up, you know what will happen in the next frame and worse, you can even guess the dialogues. The jokes are ok to laugh at that moment, but once you are out of the theatre you don’t even remember what you laughed for. Well...in that case, I should say that it was not a KILLER stuff unlike other comedies which make you gag yourself.

Shahid Kapur in many scenes tries to be ShahRukh. He has developed some nice bulging muscles and the costume designer favors him by dressing him up in nice suits and biceps revealing shirts. His comic timing is ok and he does a decent job. The scene where he was good was the monologue where he explains Vidya about his ambition and the last scene where he explains about consumerism and human welfare. To be frank, as the end credits rolled out, the only thing that really impressed me and which I remembered was the last scene where he makes a nice emotional speech.

Vidya Balan has a hackneyed role. Neither she looks appealing (in fact one girl behind my seat said she looked HUGE) and nor she has much scope to perform. To top it all her costumes are horrendous and there is NO chemistry between her and Shahid. The rest of the cast as Om Puri, Juhi Chawla (over the top but cute) and Vishal malhotra do a decent job. Perhaps the best surprise was provided by Boman Irani as the 'waving uncle' character and it was a nice (and only good one) twist indeed.

The Ai Pappi song was foot tapping while the rest were just ordinary types. Better luck next time Pritam! Now coming to the director. Aziz Mirza usually is identified with ordinary man's stories and I guess he too gave in to the NRI movie brigade. And the comedy too was way thanda compared to his other movies.

Maybe you may feel that I am too harsh and maybe I am, but I am so because the cast promised so much and delivers so little. Maybe what they needed was Konnection (or whatever it is) with some good writers instead of having relied on their Kismat to see them through.

Rating: 2/5

Find below the song of the moment (will try to have one in every post henceforth).

In a world filled with mayhem, ear-shattering beats and tongue and nose touching each other (naaka mukka :P), I am glad that someone decided to churn out a song which just required your ears & senses open and eyes closed. Thanks James Vansathan!!