The grass is always greener....

Warning: The text colors are done deliberately. Read and you will understand :-)

"AmarPratap"

"Present Sir."

"Anand"

"Present Sir."

The attendance is over. Now I can go back to my primary activity...day dreaming in the class room. The advantage of your name starting with A is that you will be called first on the roll call and can sleep for the rest of the 5 to 10 minutes while the teacher wakes up the rest of the class. Disadvantage is....you do not have much luxury of time to realize that the attendance is on. God knows who invented class room, practical, exam and all this shit. Can’t they teach stuff in a way that students love and will remember for long? Even a person like me who is in Class 11 can realize this, then why cant these jerks who control education and are donkey years old can’t understand this plain simple fact? All they care is that students score marks. We score not because we love it you morons. It is due to the simple fact....that we are afraid.

Any mission is worthwhile when carried out with an aim to win, but look how parents instruct their kids. "You fail in this exam and I will break your bones." You slip and you will be reminded that you are on the verge of joining the bandwagon of losers in the family. How convenient!!!! Somehow I managed good marks in 10th standard, now I got to repeat the same bloody shit (worse excel it) in 12th. Hmmm...added misery is this mustache wont grow. The 10th standard girl Abhirami who lives next door said that she that she likes men with mustache. I have been shaving daily and still its growing as slow as Dravid's test innings. Damn hormones!!!!

"Anand. Can you collect the test papers?" said Mr. Paneerselvam

Oops...time for duty. I am the class representative. I so much envy our Maths teacher Mr. PannerSelvam or Paneer as we call him. He teaches Maths, looks smart, earns decent money, rides a Black Bullet (I love it), has a beautiful wife (my friend Avinash joined his tuition class to just catch her glimpse), a cute kid, will become Assistant HM by next year. Man...what else can someone want in life. He is like the complete man as they say in Raymonds. Hmmm...lucky guy!!!!!

"Here you go Sir." I handed him the answer sheets. Mission accomplished!!!!

"Thanks."

Hmmm...56 papers. This means 56 different answers and approach to one problem. You give a problem from the book and they declare that SIR is so great and if you give them something out of syllabus for the grey cells, you are branded Mr Mogambo. I joined this profession for the love of teaching and imparting knowledge among my fellow men and look what they did to me? I have to be aggressive and aim for the Assistant HM post for next year. It means more money, perks and name. I am supposed to lobby for the system and not go outside it. Else I become an outlaw. I can survive as an outlaw if I was single, but what can a family man do? Maybe marriages are done with the purpose of mellowing a human down.

It is easy to solve a 3*3 matrix or a traveling salesman problem. What is hard?

1. To understand what a woman wants.

2. To change diapers for your kid.

Why do women always want men to explore and understand them and give them what they want rather than TELLING them what they want? They won’t. Why? Because they are women and they ought to be complex. The wedding anniversary date is a month away. I got to get her something surprising, wonderful, unique and costly. Added to this is the referee work I need to do between her and my mom. No wonder the Greek mathematicians and philosophers were gay. Had they been straight they would wasted at least half their lives understanding women.

"Can I have a minute with you Mr Selvam?" asked the headmaster Mr Raj.

"Sure. Go ahead."

Lucky fella our HM. Started his career here as Maths teacher and became HM 5 years before. He has made nice money and name out of this. He got a Central Government award from Delhi 1 month before. He has a college going daughter and a 12^th standard studying boy. Wife has lot of property which means he can retire in peace next year. Either way he can earn always by taking tuitions. What a man!!!!

"Can you submit your part for the Annual school report by next week?"

"Sure Sir." I better hurry. Its time to rush to the 12th standard classroom.

One horseshit report after the other. Basically it means we are going to blow our trumpets to everyone that we are this blah blah that and so on. When the teachers and parents drive their kids so wild in this high pressure world, how can they not study? Where is the room for creativity? We all want Kalams, Verghese Kuriens and Amartya Sens. If we choke them with so much bookish knowledge how will they learn to think on their own? I can’t even talk about this as I also have been reduced to low levels as these scumbags. Somehow my wife's nephew in Delhi lobbied and got me the award. It means a career even after I retire from school.

They always say that "A scholar's child is idiot." They got it right at least when it came to the sons. Look at my daughter. She has graduated with top honors from her university and has got grants to study abroad. And look at my son. One reckless fella. Barely crossed 75% in 10th standard. I would have been happy if he were differently talented in any other way. Worse, he drinks, smokes and wastes my hard earned money. Being the only son he qualifies to be the apple of his mom’s eye and chillis in mine. Wonder what I am going to do to his life.

"Sir, May I have a minute"

"Yes"

"The attendance sheet Sir. Need your signature on it."

Look at this young man. He is also my son's age and so responsible. Hmmm...life was so simple being a student. All you needed to do was to study and get marks. Needn’t worry about any award, money, relatives, kids....so on. How good it would be to switch places???

"Anything else young man"

"No Sir"

For time being at least forgetting the useless report would do.

P.S: Inspired from a Jeffery Archer short story