I am NOT what I am

"Hey Maathu, What do you want to become after you grow up?" I asked the 3 year old daughter of my cousin who was enjoying singing along with the cartoon character on the TV.
"I wanna become a rock star" she replied. A simple line from that child led me into a serious of question answer sessions with myself. What did I aspire to become and what am I right now?

Believe it or not, at the age of 13 I wanted to become an actor. Yup, you got it right. And that too a HERO (!).Perhaps I wanted to entertain people. I did mimicry in my childhood days which eventually led to an always huge gathering surrounding me in any family function and nothing thrilled me more than the smile on the face of the public. But when you look like a walking and talking version of size of a Godzilla, and are referred by names as "aaloo", "motu" and "haathi" and puberty fast approaching the girls don't even care if you are alive or dead...you have to reconsider your options which I did.

The final nail in the coffin was laid when my class teacher asked me to play the part of Santa Claus in the school christmas skit as she said that I was the chubbiest and sweetest guy in the class. May the Hero rest in peace. You can be happy that I was born in a middle class family and not to a one-ring-in-each-finger wielding Sethji who finances the movies or some B grade sleazy Film director. Who knows, and then I could have become a Hero. Worse enough, unknowingly you could have been my die hard fan who doesn’t miss the first day first show of my movie :-)

At the age of 15 I wanted to become a pilot or a sailor. As Nandoo used to say that in that age every boy wants to become a pilot and every girl a teacher. Thanks to my hereditary, I ended up wearing spectacles which in turn disqualified me from both. So what do I do next? Ask my relatives and cousins. The unanimous verdict is to study engineering and become an s/w engg. What about becoming a cricketer, singer, painter, journalist ect. Nope.Why? Because all my cousins are engineers and have been earning enough money to buy a palatial house, car and settled in abroad as well. So there I am...after 50 odd papers and useless practical exams I was given a BE degree which at times sounds to me as Brain Empty. Contradictorily I got placed in the campus as well.

When my cousin's daughter mailed me asking what she could do next after 12th I was the only one who replied her asking NOT to take engg. This family had supplied enough enggs to the country more than the required quota and had taken enough lives. But I did advise her to do the same by going for Medical. She is doing something less lethal than what I expected by opting to become a Dentist.

Sometimes when I work in my desk I wonder what I am doing here. All right the paycheck is ok, I can buy what I want, I can help other people (which I love doing), I blog which has given me so many friends. But does this work make me happy? I envy someone as Mr Kamalhaasan who enjoys doing his work and also makes a living out of it. How many of us can say that we do that?

Last but not the least, I live in the hope that one day I will be doing what I will enjoy doing the most. I am waiting for the time and opportunity.
"Hum Honge kaamyaab.....ek din...
"Man mein hai vishwaas..pura hai vishwas....Hum honge kaamyaab ek din"